Momnesia: The Shrinking Brain

We all know that when we are confronted with a pregnant woman that seems to be forgetful, this is just par for the course. This lady can't do a thing about it! But is this a psychological phenomenon, based solely on the distraction of growing this new life and having to prepare for it? Or is it also physical, effected by hormones and other physiological changes? And what can we do about it?

I definitely have suffered momnesia. I have worked hard for over a decade to get better about knowing exactly where my keys are, what I need at the grocery store, and what my to-do's and deadlines consist of that day. I felt great the past year before my recent pregnancy, because I had finally gotten over the newness of having a daughter and being a college graduate with a job, and I had gotten into a groove. No more lost keys, no more "where's my cell phone?" ... Well, okay, sometimes, but it did become a lot more calm and I felt so much more "myself." So, was this just because I had psychologically gotten used to it? Was it that my daughter slept 12 hours at a time, and I finally got the sleep I needed on a regular basis? Or did I finally get over that hormone hump?

USAToday.com put out an article I recently read on the phenomenon now being labeled as "momnesia." Basically, this article, among other I've read surrounding the issue, has said "yes" to all of the questions. Yes, it is sleep deprivation! Yes, hormones play a huge part, in three ways: (1) The amazingly high level of hormones that women have during pregnancy and for a few months after giving birth can in fact have an effect on concentration as well as perceived IQ. The level of hormones that continue to be coursed through the system of breastfeeding women tend to be just enough to cause a slightly elevated mood along with that generally pleasant "fuzzy brain" feeling... Pleasant until you're trying to corral multiple kids, make a marketing plan, or otherwise get something accomplished with a common outcome of "what was I doing again?" (2) Levels of hormones going from so high back to 'normal' can take a big toll on the body (and mind!). And (3) ... what was the third way again? I'll think of it...

"Stress, sleep deprivation and postpartum hormonal swings are definitely mind-altering" so says one of the experts quoted in the USAToday.com article. In fact, the article states that fathers get some of the changes, too, proving it is not SOLELY physical. Which, to me, was obvious. One of the major life stressors and changes is having a baby, be it the first or the fifth (not sure about past that...).



So, it's physical as much as psychological. Groovy. Now what do I do about it?

Here are my tips to moms going through the mess:

• Leave yourself post-its. I know a woman whom left a post-it on her baby. I have, though this was before I had kids, left myself a post-it reminding me to look at my post-it. "<---LOOK!" It worked! I looked.
• Leave yourself voicemails. I am reminded of an episode of the TV show Gilmore Girls in which Lorelai and her friend were refurbishing an old inn and trying to start up a new business there. She could not sleep and left herself something like 26 messages at the workplace for her floor manager to listen to when he came in! This is an extreme case, but if you listen to your voicemail regularly, it could help to clear your mind.
• Keep pen and paper (or post-it) at various locations around the house as well as a set in your purse or car. This way, if you have a thought, you can write it down immediately. You might have to check a few pads of paper to find it, but at least you can rest assured that, in case that was an important thought, you did jot it down somewhere.
• If you don't already have one, GET A DATEBOOK! Find something that works for you. Franklin Covey is a great company that offers anyone training on how to find and use a planning system that is custom-fit for them. Or, you can just shop around. Their site is awesome and you can find just about anything you need. I do, however, suggest going to one of their stores in person the first time. This way, you can really tell someone that knows the products well what you need, and they can direct you to something that will be more personalized for you and have more likelihood of success. I just can't stress enough, however, the importance of having a place to go to for your to-do list and your schedule. This could even be as simple as a calendar with some space to write your schedule and a post-it with your goals for the day stuck on the date or the front of the book.
• Take a breather. Take some time for yourself every day. Whether you're staring off into space with your morning coffee, or reading a good book before bed, or pruning your garden, or knitting... I don't care! Do something every day that's JUST FOR YOU. Not on Facebook, not doing something utilitarian, just something you want to do and that is relaxing for you to do by yourself. In part, this blog is something I do for myself. But I also read, take relaxing baths (even if I'm not dirty), and sometimes I just go and sit on my bed with the door closed so that I can be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes. If you're a single (or often alone) parent, you can still do this: Is there a time that your child is completely engrossed in something? TV? Game? Art/craft that's not too messy? Take a step or two away and veg out. If they're going to watch TV anyway, use that time to refresh and get away so that when they're all yours again, you can give your full (and un-cranky) attention. In fact, I take my alone time typically when my husband isn't there to bother me, either.
  
• Have a place for everything, and everything in its place. I know, old axioms of life... but this one is so true. If your keys are ALWAYS somewhere, they are less likely to be somewhere else than if they are always... wherever! Get the picture?
• Build some breathing time into your day, as well. If you're running around like a mad-woman, it's going to eventually show.
• Even if it seems monotonous and unnecessary, double check important things on routine activities in your day. When you get out of the car, check for your purse, keys, and kid, and anything else that might be important to bring with you. When you get into the shower, make sure you have your shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor within reach, and a clean towel nearby. It may seem stupid, but if you have these checks, eventually you will hardly notice you do them, and you will less often be without the things you're checking for. You might even remember other things better, with more clarity, because you're not bogged down with the obvious and repetitive!
• If you're going to put a bottle or something in the fridge at a friend's house, put your keys in there with it. A tip from a mom that I know... seems logical to me! Can't forget the bottle if you have to get your keys to leave!
  

Finally, don't worry or get upset if some of these momnesia moments happen to you, be you a mother or father. It will make it that much worse if you're flustered and upset, and it doesn't make you feel any better. Take a deep breath, and just keep on trucking. It happens to all of us!

Dinner With the Family - Sans TV

We had dinner tonight as a family, but because I have a small kitchen table and used it for my cooking, it was not cleared off enough for the three of us to eat at (me, my husband, and my 3-year-old), thus we ate in the "front room"... Not a large enough room to call a living room, and not really utilized in the traditional "living room" style, but basically, that's what it is. There are 3 chairs, set up in a kind of "conversation pit" style, though one is an armchair, one is a glider with a stool, and one is a toddler armchair. Regardless, this is where we ate dinner, which I don't typically like. I really believe in the old concept of a "family dinner." Why else would dinner be the perfect place to go on a date? You look each other in the face, if not the eyes, you talk about things that are important, or about your day, or whatever, and you get to know the people you're engaged with.

I admit, I've done my share of dinners in which the toddler was watching a show, and I was trying to get my food eaten before I had more to do with her or cleaning up or what have you, however I firmly believe in having at least one meal a day that the family eats together, distraction-free. This is a very important part of being a happy, healthy family, in multiple ways: physical, emotional, and relational/psychological health. Paying attention to my daughter fosters her self-confidence, shows her I love and respect her, and allows her to tell me about things that she might want to talk through. Actually, I'm sure it does that for me and my husband as well. In the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, one of the languages is quality time, while another deals with speech and conversation. By utilizing the family meal, you are hitting at least 2 of 5 ways that humans communicate love to one another. Why not try it for a week and see if it makes a difference?! Or do what I do, and try it for 21 days.

I learned when I was a child that it takes 21 days to change a habit or for your brain to make a change. Now, as an adult, I try to persevere in something that I am trying to change, or something new that I'm trying, for 21 days. After this amount of time, I feel it's possible to assess whether or not this change is truly desired, or whether it has made a positive difference. Now, recently, I heard that it only takes 3 days for a preschooler to adopt a change. This was nice to hear, as my daughter has a few habits that, frankly, I've been afraid to get rid of, because I didn't want to deal with a month or two of poor sleeping or other consequences. I know, this isn't the best example of great parenting! But it happens. Now I'm not so afraid. I can plan that, for the next 3 to 5 days/nights, I can expect a struggle, and then it will fade or dissipate altogether, and that is reassuring as well as motivating.



Anyway, back to dinner: tonight I made an old recipe of my mom's, which I believe she took from a Cooking Light magazine in the late '90s. It amounts to "Penne Pasta w/ Sausage and Peppers", though I'm not sure the exact name of the recipe. Here it is:

6 4-oz hot Italian turkey sausages
2 cups (or about 2) green pepper, sliced approx 1/4" thick and 1" long
1 cup (or about 1) red bell pepper, " " " " "
1 cup (or about 1) yellow or orange bell pepper, " " " " "
6 garlic cloves, minced (or more, depending on your taste! This sauce is not garlicky)
1 onion (I used a medium white one & that was great), halved and sliced
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese (I used fresh, low fat from the cheese part of Whole Foods, shredded)
3 TBS grated fresh parmesan (for garnish)
6 cups hot cooked penne pasta (cook while making the sauce)
* 1 25-oz bottle of Emeril's Roasted Pepper and Garlic pasta sauce *

* I could not find this ANYWHERE this time, and I'm pretty sure now he has either "Roasted Red Pepper" sauce, or "GAAAAHLIC" sauce. I couldn't find the Roasted Red Pepper, so I made do with fire-roasted tomato from Newman's Own (a favorite brand), and combined it with the "GAAAAHLIC" sauce, which was fine, but it would be great to find the pepper sauce again. I know, picky picky. You can however look the recipe up and make it yourself, by Google-ing (yes, spell-check, that is a word now) "Emeril's roasted pepper and garlic sauce."

On another note, Emeril's sauces are great because they really ARE all-natural, even though they don't have to be just because they say it on the label. As far as you can tell from the ingredients, there are no "natural flavors", "artificial flavors", preservatives, or anything else that would indicate that it is not 90% natural. Okay, on with the recipe:

Directions:
- Heat a large skillet (here is says "coated with cooking spray" to which I say "w/ a TBS or two of cold-pressed high-heat vegetable oil") over medium-high heat (my stove ended up needing to be medium). (I would also start your water pot for the pasta, so it's boiling by the time you need it and you don't have to wait for the pasta to finish cooking.) Add sausage, cook 8 minutes turning occasionally. ( I did not time this, I just cooked each side until browned.) Remove from heat, let sausage rest, and when ready, cut into 2 inch thick slices. (I cut these much smaller, probably smaller than 1 inch, and I liked this better, personally. But my sausages were also quite thick.)
- Wipe pan with paper towels and re-coat with cooking spray (or if you are me, just return it to the stove; the sausages, being turkey, don't make much grease). **This would be the stage I would throw the pasta into the water, so it will be done by the time you're ready to eat.)
- Saute peppers and onions for 6 minutes (I turned the heat from medium to medium high for this step).
- Add sausage back in, saute for 2 minutes.
- Add garlic, saute for 2 minutes (try not to burn it, as it will turn very bitter).
- Add sauce and simmer over low heat for 5 minutes (up to 10, if you need the extra time)
- Remove from heat, add mozzarella, stirring constantly until melted.

The serving size is 1 cup pasta, with 1 cups sauce over top and sprinkle with parmesan. If done this way, it should make 6 servings at "483 calories" a piece.

I'm not sure why they don't just say "about 480" because they have no idea if it's 483, or 458, or 501 calories that particular time you've made it. But, I guess it makes people feel better. All-in-all, I like Cooking Light recipes (my mom has gotten me 2 of the "Annual Recipes" compilation cook books, and I use them!), but you have to tweak a little bit if you want to be 'healthy' and not just 'low calorie' or 'low fat'. As you do with everything! Eating low-cal and low fat does remove a big chunk of the things that cause dis-ease and poor health related to diet, however, it's not even close to enough, and sometimes it can add unhealthy ingredients into your diet. For example: aspartame and other artificial sweeteners. I could go on, but you get the point. You have to look at the ingredients that are going into your body, and not be afraid to change to something that is inherently healthier!

That's all for the evening, folks! Have a lovely Tuesday night.