Phrasing is Everything

So many people, parents and educators alike, think that phrasing for success is hoo-ey. But I certainly believe that the more often anyone hears something, the more programed they are to that, and the more likely to respond accordingly. Also, if you choose language that fosters self-discipline, respect, and independent decision-making, you're causing others to take ownership for what they are doing, why and how they are doing it. Yes, it is easier to be the disciplinarian sometimes, and it is easier to be the dictator that just tells someone to do something. But, isn't it more pleasant to set someone up to do the right thing by their own choice? And if you can, in the long run, help that person to continue making right choices no matter the set up and situation, won't that help everyone (dare I say the world?) in the long run?

So, today in my second grade guitar class, I said, "if you are talking right now, I'm asking you to make a different choice." That may seem awkward or strange to say. But most of my kids did make a different choice; the choice was to stop talking and, for some, pay attention. Another phrase I've begun to say? "Please make a better choice (next time)." Also in the same vein: "You make the choice: either stay and participate without causing a distraction to others, or go to the office with a referral. The choice is yours. Make it."

Does it work?

Yes.

Why does it work? Because it puts the responsibility into the hands of the child, rather than putting it on me to punish them. I don't have to punish them; typically, they make a right choice. I have only sent ONE student out, and I sent her back to her teacher after SEVERAL verbal warnings, and a discussion with the class about making better choices. Then again, I could have guessed she would choose this. She was giving me the DEATH look when I talked about making better choices and the class sitting and being quiet for 60 seconds to reflect on the choices they are making and need to make differently in the future.

I gotta say: When I started this job in late September up until the end of December, I thought I was a TERRIBLE teacher. Turns out, many first year teachers feel that way. Now, I think I'm a really good teacher that needs to figure out what works for me! I'm reading and reading and reading, and I'm trying everything at least once to see what happens. Typically, I'm surprised. But, I digress.

Speaking in a language so that kids develop self-esteem, self-confidence, respect, and self-discipline, is EXTREMELY important, IMO. Yeah, it's semantics. But it's definitely not just semantics. There was something out of another book I'm reading, Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self Esteem and Encourages Responsibility, that when I first read it aloud to some colleagues at lunch today, we were all like, "Why shouldn't we say that?" The book mentioned many reasons, like how it "erodes your credibility in the eyes of your child." (This book is geared toward parents, but can easily be used when speaking to ANYONE.) The way that you speak to another person may SEEM perfectly fine, but when it is dissected and you find out that your credibility is "eroded", this is when you as a person need to change what you're doing! You need to make the better choice. Once your credibility is gone, you've lost their trust, and once you lose that, it is next to impossible to regain that.

Of course, one of my top strengths is Communication. So, I see this clearly, and it's very important to me. But the way that you think and speak are going to determine who you are inside, and who you are will determine what you do. So be careful!

Rule of the Road: Never do anything a student can do for you.

I'm reading a new book, Teaching Outside the Box: How to Grab Students by Their Brains, by LouAnne Johnson. In case you don't recognize that name, she is the woman that wrote the autobiographical book that the movie, Dangerous Minds, was based upon.

In this book, there are a lot of helpful ideas and bits of information. The first one that struck me was "never do anything a student can do for you." What?! I didn't like this idea at all. I understood the purpose of the idea; really, it's to make things easier for you as a teacher. But I can't let students do everything and run a smooth classroom, can I? And certainly, it would be chaos if I let students get up and do things for me while I'm teaching... right? Besides, don't I want to be in control?

Well, yes. I do want to be in control. In control of my classroom. The real ticker of this: This idea is presented as a disciplinary tool.

Okay, fine. I'll try it. You'll see, this doesn't work in a music classroom.

Unless...

it does.

I had helpers assigned in my second grade guitar class to hand out guitars and rests. Every week, I would choose four students that were exceptional the week before to help with this. But I would stand at the guitar cupboards and hand them to the student, then watch frantically as the students handed them out. Basically, it wasn't any less work for me except perhaps the walking back and forth. Psychologically, it was no less work whatsoever and in fact wore me out with worry.

Letting the kids do all of it never would have crossed my mind. It was hard enough letting them have the responsibility I did. But... Ms. Johnson said it, and I'm willing to try what it takes to promote self-responsibility and to help with the discipline problems I have in my classroom.

Today, I let the kids (1) grab violins from the 1st grade class and help me put them away, (2) unlock and open the cabinets, (3) arrange their own chairs into the guitar staggered places, (4) get the guitars out of the cabinets and hand them out to students, along with the foot rests.

Meanwhile, I tuned guitars and helped students get into proper position, and explained a new sticker reward chart I made for them.

It
was
glorious.

The students got out the guitars without dropping or banging them. The other students were quiet and attentive, and the class didn't start with a bunch of chatting and fooling around. The students were happy, quiet, and ready to learn. I was able to get through the review in less than 10 minutes and start on my lesson plan. (Last week, I took 30 minutes to review once the guitars were out, which left 10 minutes to learn something new and put the guitars away.) The students learned how to play the E string with their first two fingers, got individual help on technique and questions, and were happier and more attentive. I got to retune most of the guitars BEFORE the students played much on them.

The students then put away the guitars without me helping them place the guitars in the cabinets. They have to be just so, so that they all line up and fit, but don't bump one another. It even took me a while to figure it out the first time. I didn't hear a single guitar "bump" the sides of the cabinet or another guitar. I was able to speak to individual students (something I LOVE), and get the room in order. I didn't even look at the guitar cabinets until we were all ready to go; they were closed and locked, all the guitars put away.

I realized, I don't give my kids enough credit. With a little bit of added responsibility, they buck up and do what they're told, even if it's something they're fully capable of, even if it has nothing to do with the lesson itself; the fact that I trusted them (or pretended to) allowed them the room to have success. And I was calmer to boot -- much less stressful.

Today was a great teaching day. And all from trying one simple "rule" from this book. I was hoping for something to happen, but planning for disaster. The results exceeded my hopes. I am now going to add into my lesson plans "helpers" for each class as well as always ask students to help whenever possible.

It's amazing how you can turn one hundred eighty degrees on an idea just by giving it a fair chance. Next up: Instead of writing names on the board or threatening a consequence for bad behavior, ask a misbehaving student into the hallway to discuss how you will not tolerate the behavior, and tell them they have the choice of returning to class and ending the behavior, or if they continue, they will have to leave and go to the office. Leave the door open upon returning to class and allow the student to decide. This is another tip from the book. I have tried it once so far. It worked on that student. We'll see how it goes with a full day tomorrow....

I'm back!!

Finally, eh?

Well, to sum up: I took a new job teaching, and I've been hideously busy. Not only is this my first year teaching outside of preschool, lesson plans at all, but I have 10 grades, 2 instrumental classes, and soon to be 3-4 new band and instrumental classes. I was hired to create a middle school band class, and I finally have done it! I was so happy to get it just about finalized and on to the teaching, even though I'm a little anxious about teaching band considering that I didn't even student teach in this subject! Other than instruments, I have vocal/general music for 30 minutes, twice a week, grades preschool (PreK) through eight.

One of my goals for this year is to blog at least once a week. Though my posts may change slightly in content from the original subject of this blog, they will still be informational having to do with something I have knowledge of or have learned and/or researched in my life.

So, here's my "welcome back, Meredith" post. Look for another new post with actual content in a little bit...

planning a wardrobe

So, I'm going through this book, Houseworks by Cynthia Townley Ewer.  It's really awesome.  It's set up in a really nifty way, really good for my visual ADHD because it's super streamlined but also colorful and interesting.  I'll probably mention it again, as it's about organizing your home, your stuff, your life, and your family.  One of the things I was reading about today was planning family wardrobes as well as deciding whether or not to mend clothes etc.


This, combined with a Martha Stewart book that I LOVED and made my husband buy me but haven't utilized yet (Encyclopedia of Sewing and Fabric Crafts), I've been inspired to start tailoring clothing on top of making my own clothing and "fabric crafts."




Anyway, the main thing that I wanted to address in this post is wardrobing.  Most of us have issues with too much stuff, and possibly on top of it, nothing to wear.  I have another book similarly titled. 
 
I have this issue in part because I have gone through so many sizes and styles in the past 6 or so years.  Six years ago, I was a size 4 or 6 in women's clothing as I was constantly doing extreme sports, working out, etc, and I had not yet had any children.  I was 20 years old, for crying out loud!  I hadn't even started DRINKING (for the most part), and I never drank soda or ate much junk food.  Then, I started cracking down on schooling, moved into dorms with someone that ate lots of packaged foods (and indulged with them), etc, and I gained my "freshman 15" a couple of years late... It was my "junior 30."  So, I have some 6's, 8's, and 10's.  A couple more years go by, and I have my first kid.  10's, 12's, and 14's, not to mention the med-xlarge maternity clothes.  Second kid, and I'm back down to the 10's and 12's.  Wow, that's a lot of clothes, in a lot of styles, going through a lot of years and sizes!  And I'm sure I didn't have any kind of color scheme going on, or put any thought into "basics," especially when I was keeping items for use later.  So... What to wear?  Well, I have 2 closets with clothes that no longer fit in half of them, my normal closet which has half maternity, half random clothes that fit, and some clothes that need to be pulled out of storage in the laundry room, laundered, and dug through to see what they are.  That's a lot of clothes, and I have... well, NOTHING to WEAR!


So, posting on a combination of the books I've read about wardrobes:

The heart of a wardrobe is the activities that you will need clothes for, plus a category for "basics."
Thus:

1.  Get a piece of paper for each family member, and make a list of activities, adding a "basics" category.
2. Inventory current items and list them in their appropriate category.  Make sure to check the sizes of the clothing items, especially when there is weight loss/gain or when it is a child, and get anything that doesn't fit OUT of the closet/wardrobe.  If necessary, try the items on.  You can also make a list and just put the letter of the category next to the item, if that works better for you; also, if you're crazy like me, you can color-code the categories and highlight the items in correspondence.
3. Check who in the family needs what NOW and make a 'running list.'  This way, when you go shopping, you'll know what you're looking for, and you won't buy blindly, making for a wardrobe that doesn't work as well as spending more than you need to.  You'll be happier in the longrun without the sweater that doesn't actually go with anything else in your closet, especially if you bought some shells or other basics that you needed instead.
4. Streamline the colors in your wardrobe.  Make a scheme for each person.  Most pieces will fall into the color scheme so that you know your future buys will be useful; you'll know ahead of time that the aforementioned sweater really isn't you, or really won't have options to wear with it.
5. Choose a neutral color for each family member's wardrobe that goes with the color scheme, and get matching accessories in this color, such as shoes, belts, etc.  That doesn't mean you can't have other colors,  but this way, you'll always have something that "goes" with what you pull out of the wardrobe.  In fact, when the books talk about small items being what you should buy in bright or trendy colors, I include shoes, because I love colorful/patterned shoes.  That's just me, and it's probably unnecessary and expensive, but that's what I love!
6. Choose items that can multi-task into different categories or can double-duty seasons with different add-ons and accessories.
7. Choose classics, especially with high price items like suits.  A classic black, blue, or brown suit will take you far.  No one will notice you wear the same suit every week to a meeting or to church, especially if you swap out colorful shirts, scarves, ties, hankies, etc, and it will look good for anything you need a suit for.

That's as far as I've gotten.  And, I've gotten that far intellectually, not for my own wardrobe or my daughter's.  I am working on it in 20-30 minute segments, which are manageable for me with the two daughters and other things I'm also working on (like cleaning and organizing our tiny house!).  Getting started is half the battle, though, right...?

More recipes to try...

Recently, an article by NPR (National Public Radio) included some Syrian/Arabic recipes, as the article had to do with connecting with your heritage through food.  One thing I'd love to try is the Arabic coffee.

Makes 8 espresso-sized cups
4 level teaspoons Arabic coffee, available in Middle Eastern stores
2 teaspoons sugar
10 ounces cold water
Boil the coffee, sugar and water in a pot on high heat, stirring constantly. When foam appears, remove the pot from the heat and spoon the foam into espresso cups. Return the pot to the heat for another one to two minutes, stirring constantly. Pour the coffee into the cups.

I love coffee, and this sounds awesome.  I especially love strong, thick coffee, which this definitely looks to be.  However, I don't have any Middle Eastern stores (that I can find) in my area.  So... what to do?  

 When I searched Amazon.com, this is basically all that I could find:

It's "Turkish-syle"... but it's Brazilian coffee?  Is that right?

Well, every other variety that I could find on the site was also from Brazil, or was "instant," which it does not appear that I would want.

Anyone have any ideas about acquiring the coffee I need?