Phrasing is Everything

So many people, parents and educators alike, think that phrasing for success is hoo-ey. But I certainly believe that the more often anyone hears something, the more programed they are to that, and the more likely to respond accordingly. Also, if you choose language that fosters self-discipline, respect, and independent decision-making, you're causing others to take ownership for what they are doing, why and how they are doing it. Yes, it is easier to be the disciplinarian sometimes, and it is easier to be the dictator that just tells someone to do something. But, isn't it more pleasant to set someone up to do the right thing by their own choice? And if you can, in the long run, help that person to continue making right choices no matter the set up and situation, won't that help everyone (dare I say the world?) in the long run?

So, today in my second grade guitar class, I said, "if you are talking right now, I'm asking you to make a different choice." That may seem awkward or strange to say. But most of my kids did make a different choice; the choice was to stop talking and, for some, pay attention. Another phrase I've begun to say? "Please make a better choice (next time)." Also in the same vein: "You make the choice: either stay and participate without causing a distraction to others, or go to the office with a referral. The choice is yours. Make it."

Does it work?

Yes.

Why does it work? Because it puts the responsibility into the hands of the child, rather than putting it on me to punish them. I don't have to punish them; typically, they make a right choice. I have only sent ONE student out, and I sent her back to her teacher after SEVERAL verbal warnings, and a discussion with the class about making better choices. Then again, I could have guessed she would choose this. She was giving me the DEATH look when I talked about making better choices and the class sitting and being quiet for 60 seconds to reflect on the choices they are making and need to make differently in the future.

I gotta say: When I started this job in late September up until the end of December, I thought I was a TERRIBLE teacher. Turns out, many first year teachers feel that way. Now, I think I'm a really good teacher that needs to figure out what works for me! I'm reading and reading and reading, and I'm trying everything at least once to see what happens. Typically, I'm surprised. But, I digress.

Speaking in a language so that kids develop self-esteem, self-confidence, respect, and self-discipline, is EXTREMELY important, IMO. Yeah, it's semantics. But it's definitely not just semantics. There was something out of another book I'm reading, Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self Esteem and Encourages Responsibility, that when I first read it aloud to some colleagues at lunch today, we were all like, "Why shouldn't we say that?" The book mentioned many reasons, like how it "erodes your credibility in the eyes of your child." (This book is geared toward parents, but can easily be used when speaking to ANYONE.) The way that you speak to another person may SEEM perfectly fine, but when it is dissected and you find out that your credibility is "eroded", this is when you as a person need to change what you're doing! You need to make the better choice. Once your credibility is gone, you've lost their trust, and once you lose that, it is next to impossible to regain that.

Of course, one of my top strengths is Communication. So, I see this clearly, and it's very important to me. But the way that you think and speak are going to determine who you are inside, and who you are will determine what you do. So be careful!