Now, normally, and probably later today, I will not be posting mere things related to my life in journalistic style. But I thought this was extremely significant, and somewhat related to this blog.
Since I've known my husband, I've known a guy named "John". I won't divulge too much about "John" that anyone could guess his real identity. However, today, my husband and I were going to get bagels after going to the chiropractor together, and we ran across "John" at his work. Now, this might not seem really inspired or strange, however, we have not had a good phone number or address for John for some time now, probably about 2 years. We've had a few conversations about him, mainly because we wonder and worry about him. We have run into him previously in the strangest places, seems most of the time to be the current place that he works. Most of the time, if you lose contact with someone you don't know especially well, then you don't think much about it, but I have thought about John multiple times each year.
Let me give you some background about John:
John is a recovering drug addict. He had been clean since we had known him, starting about 6 or 7 years ago, but he had some major life drains and just "bad luck." I mean, think of Charlie Brown's luck; John's luck is worse. He's the sweetest, greatest guy. Really, one of the best I've ever met. But his life just kept throwing things at him that were just so much harder to handle, so much different than my own life's experience, that I just can't hardly fathom.
After talking with him today, I found out that he down-spiraled into a need for rehab again after we lost contact with him. He spent a short time in jail, was a GED tutor while there, and got into a rehab program again. But, it must have been significantly different this time, because in the short 20 minutes that we chatted with him, after he asked and we told about our current lives, he divulged to us about why his rehab didn't work in the past, and why it's working much better now. He was using his AA guys and guys in the houses he was living in as his "higher power," and in his words, he was "praying to the guys in the house, which of course, didn't work and let me down." As you may have guessed this time, a true "higher power" was the answer. He mentioned that running into us was a "God thing," which wasn't at all something he would have said previously, but it sounded so right coming from him.
Not to mention: he has gained 60 pounds. He looks AWESOME. This is how thin he was before: his countenance was gray, his bright blue-gray eyes lacked luster, his face was all cheekbones and his clothes draped his body much like a large hanger. Even his hair seemed thin, though I just assumed that was healthy for him. Now, he looks straight and strong. You can see the frame of his body as well as the muscles supporting it. His face is full, and his skin glows. His hair is a thick, curly auburn. His eyes are clear Pacific blue, and sparkle. Realize that when I last saw him, he was completely drug free and had been for years. But he was not healthy. He did not glow. He was not anywhere near the level of happiness he is now. Not that I assume, after just 7 or 8 months of rehab and living in a House, that he is perfectly happy and loves his life. But there is some contentment and some happiness behind his fresh new countenance.
John is a caring, concerned, naturally loyal, great person. I honestly don't know many better people in this life, and I don't know many that deserve the best out of life the way that he does. Which is why I hope, and will pray, that his Charlie-Brown thunder cloud has finally rolled away, and he can begin experiencing life in a whole new way. I was so happy to run into him, and hope that he and my husband and I can keep in contact this time, and that we can do something, anything, to support him in his new life... because... I want to do something! And he deserves it. And he's in the negatives as far as that goes.
So, again, this is not a typical post for this blog. BUT... from it gleam some great things about life, parenting, health... that I can refer back to later.
All for now...
I don't want to come off as cynical, but I would guess that John was not off drugs until you saw a physical difference in him. Several things you mentioned - emaciation and ashen skin - are common among drug users, particularly crack/cocaine users. Once through a horrific period of withdrawal, color and weight return to normal fairly quickly. If this is the case, I would encourage you not to feel upset about his deception. Lying is also a symptom of the disease.
ReplyDeleteFurther, a sincere spiritual attitude is part of honest recovery. That he has begun talking about God in a new way when he is finally looking healthier most probably means that he is finally honestly working a 12-Step program. I am saying this so that you do not reverse cause and effect - God did not come down and change his appearance in a moment of fiery revelation. God and His revelation have always been there, what has changed is John's openness to that very grace. This is no less miraculous!
As as for luck: injustice, bum deals, and shitstorms are part of life. Judeo-Christian tradition prepares us for this in the story of Job. What I have found true about addicts, however, is that their disease often leaves them unprepared to cope with the problems that inevitable come to all of us. Consider two people who have been abused as children - a circumstance in no way their fault - one becomes a child abuser and the other works for a family services organization devoting their life to preventing such tragedy. Both person's luck, given the fact of abuse, was poor. Something like drug addiction might have come into the life of the former, making it that much harder to heal the wounds. Part of addiction recovery is learning the coping skills that one has previously neglected, and you will most likely then see a change in his or her "luck."
In the end, no one is responsible for John's sobriety other than John. Prayer for him is very appropriate, and probably welcome. If you see him looking well, let him know how glad it makes you. If you see him looking poorly, and you might one day, encourage him to go to a meeting.
If you want to understand more about the process he's going through, pick up the NA Basic Text published by Narcotics Anonymous or attend an open NA meeting. If you or anyone else reading this is suffering because of a friend of relative who is actively addicted, find a Nar-Anon meeting in your area.
See? This is why I wanted you to specifically read this entry. Because there is so much in your response that I am not familiar with. I've never known anyone close to me who was addicted the way that "John" is. Once I saw him this last time, I wondered about his being clean previously. But I took his word for it, because I did not know what else to do. I feel one way that we have been blessed I suppose is that the house he's living in is literally 6 blocks away from ours. I hope I can encourage my husband, who is obviously closer with "John", to walk over there in the next few days and see him, as "John" is not allowed to come to our house for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I really appreciate your comments as what I consider an "expert" on the subject. And as my friend :)